


Realizations

by amoredelrobot



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff, No Beta, One Shot Collection, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-22 07:24:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8277614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amoredelrobot/pseuds/amoredelrobot
Summary: This is going to be just short one shots that center around Clarke and Lexa's relationship. Main focus is on someone realizing something new about the couple, but not always. Updated when I can.





	1. Chapter 1

Raven didn't notice it the first time she met the brunette, she was too busy sizing up her character, seeing if she was good enough for her best friend, to really pay attention, but it certainly existed then.

She noticed it on a normal Sunday night, one where they all took turns cooking dinner (not from a box, Octavia, that's cheating) and got dressed in something other than sweatpants to enjoy each others company. She was sitting across from both the blonde and brunette so it was hard to miss. Lexa made sure her food was separated into equal parts on her plate, vegetables did not touch potatoes and potatoes did not touch meat. Forearms rested on the edge of the table while eyes deliberately eyed the plate, the brunette trying to decide where to start. Clarke on the other hand, had loaded her plate up from the Center; she had a strong base of potatoes and then piled on vegetables and was busy topping off her food skyscraper with meat and applesauce, hair tousled and tongue out slightly, taking her architectural endeavor very seriously. Raven found it amusing if nothing else, how starkly different the two girls were. She made a point to nudge Anya with her elbow and point it out, but the girl just shrugged at the discovery and continued her conversation with Bellamy.

It was such a small detail, the preference someone had when it came to eating their food, but it somehow personified the way the two girls approached their relationship.

Lexa was all precise thinking and calculated moves, making sure to put equal effort into all parts that make a "successful" relationship. She was never one to throw caution to the wind and any hint of "spontaneity" was a very planned out action from behind the scenes.

Clarke was the polar opposite. Choosing to act first and apologise later. Believing that every moment needed to be savoured all at once.

By all accounts, their relationship should have never worked. On paper, it would be more work that it could ever be worth. Two people with completely different rationales and outlooks on life would just drive each other crazy.

And yet as Raven sat there, watching as her best friend leaned over her girlfriend and attempted to mash the perfectly portioned potatoes with the applesauce, only to be stopped by a swift fork and a side-eye and then saw a smile dance behind Lexa's eyes, lexa who was stoic and hard to read, who rarely showed emotion among others, that smile found its way from her eyes to her mouth as Clarke stole a kiss from the brunette while simultaneously achieving victory in breaking through the fort of fork and knife to mix the contents on the girl's plate.

Lexa sat back and looked at her plate and then at the blonde, the blonde who had a shit eating grin on her face, clearly very happy with herself. Lexa rolled her eyes and huffed, offended Clarke used affection as a means of distraction, but it was clear that she was acting a part and not actually upset.

"You're lucky I like you, Clarke"

"It tastes better that way, babe, trust me!"

Raven nodded to no one but herself, after the small interaction she had just witnessed, she realised all the preconceived notions about how love worked and stayed did not apply to these two across the table from her, they didn't fit any particular mold and yet she knew they were going to last longer than any other couple she ever came across. The proper and organized that Lexa brought to the table was tickled in the sides every now and then by the beautiful chaos Clarke radiated.

“Alright you two, get a room, you’re making me lose my appetite here!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am zero percent a doctor so roll with it please.

"Oh god. Don't tell me this is some type of metaphor now?"

"Pardon?"

"You know. Put the cigarette in your mouth but never light it."

"Do you really take me for the metaphor type, doc?"

"No, but I also didn't take you for the John Greene sappy romance type but since you didn't question my reference, I'm going to say you're actually a big teddy bear who loves chick flicks."

 

The brunette laughed, a hearty laugh, tossing her head back, unlit cigarette still dangling from her mouth.

In that moment the blonde thought she never looked more beautiful, carefree. But it also broke her heart. Having just delivered the news that the young girl's lung cancer wasn't getting any better with treatments.

"You know as your doctor I can't endorse you smoking, Ms. Woods"

"Ah, I'm dyin Doc, can't you at least call me Lexa?" The brunette had this look. This smirk that made her eyes shine with so much life that Clarke had to question the gods on why this girl had to be sick, why her of all people. She knew, going into this profession was never going to be an easy task. She had been there for all the nights her mother had lost someone, she would come home from work and hold her daughter just a bit tighter those nights. She would never cry in front of Clarke, but the blonde could always hear the quiet sobs from her bedroom. Clarke knew all of this when she signed up to become a Doctor, but she did not know Lexa Woods. The 20 something girl who had a fire inside her, but also stage three cancer. The girl who was the same age as Clarke, who made the blonde question her own mortality at times, who made Clarke angry when she saw people in her day to day life not be grateful for what they had, healthy lungs and a body that wasn't working against them. The blonde could never deny that she had grown fond of the brunette in the months they worked together. But at the end of the day, she was her Doctor and she had worked too hard to get to this point to throw it away.

"We're all dying, Lexa, I don't see why you get to be so special." The blonde smiled as she sat next to the patient and lexa knew she would give up the rest of her healthy days to hear Clarke say her name one more time.

"Are you always this nice to all your patients or just your favourites?"

"Who said you were one of my favourites?"

"You know you're going to miss me when I'm gone, Doc."

"Now you hush up about that. No one is going anywhere."

There was a beat, the mood suddenly changing in the air. Both girls knee-deep in their thoughts about the reality they would soon face, while it was something they joked about, neither was prepared to say goodbye anytime soon.

"I'm afraid that when I go, my parents are going to shut down completely and Tris is going to be left to fend for herself." Lexa was never one to share her feelings and thoughts, but there was just something about the blonde doctor. The doctor who always brought her the strawberry candies because they were her favourites, who never talked to her like she was a dying patient who she needed to pity and instead would be sassy with and who never judged her or expected anything more from her. She just allowed the brunette to exist in whatever manor she could afford that day.

"Tris will be okay. She's very stubborn, must've gotten that from you."

"Speaking of stubborn, when are you going to finally break and let me take you on a date?"

"Lexa."

"Clarke."

"We've talked about this, I'm your doctor, there's very strict guidelines around this type of thing."

"So you admit that there is a thing between us, eh?"  
Mischief danced behind green eyes and Clarke couldn't do anything but shake her head, having lost this match of verbal tennis.

"I should get back to work, helping my patients that aren't a pain in the ass and such. Please, try to cut down on the smoking, for me?"

Lexa had hoards of quips racing around her mind, but she saw the blonde was being earnest in her request and it came from a place of genuine care and not just being a good doctor, so the brunette just nodded. She knew from that moment, she would give up anything and everything the blonde could ask. 

 

"Do you soak your stethoscope in ice water before you come see me?"

"MM. I think it's probably because your heart is so cold."

Lexa chuckled at that. It was the back and forth banter that really got her. Sure Clarke was drop dead gorgeous and a million times smarter than Lexa could ever hope to be, but there was something about how the Dr always kept her on her toes that really solidified the crush she had.

"If it's so cold, why don't you try to warm it up? Say over some Italian food and sparkling cider?"

"Can't you ever be quiet for two seconds? I'm trying to listen to your lungs here."

Lexa's mom watched the antics between the two with a smile on her face. She was grateful for the doctor who made her daughter smile and joke and for a few hours every week be a normal person who delivered bad pick-up lines and fought valiantly for every smile from the blonde. From the sidelines, Doris wished she could tell her daughter that she didn't need to try so hard and that the smiles came more often when she was just being herself, but it wasn't her place.

"So how do you feel after your appointment with Dr. Griffin today sweetie?" Doris buckled her seatbelt and then waited for her daughter to do the same before beginning the drive home.

"Mom, I think I'm in love."

Her mother chuckled  
"Is that so?"

"How did you know Dad was The One?"

Doris thought for a moment before shrugging  
"I'm not sure, really. He kind of kept pursuing me until I finally said yes to go on a date with him and then when the night came for us to go out, he always had this too cool for you act going on, ya know? Like Danny Zuko from Grease, Anyway, that was gone. He showed up at my door extremely nervous and tripping over his words and being overly polite and we played mini golf and he let me win, of course, but then by dinner time we just laughed and laughed together. I don't remember what was so funny, I just remember thinking 'this is a man I could see myself with, doing this, laughing over nothing, all the time'"

Lexa just smiled, doing her best to picture the moment and then replace her mom and dad with Clarke and herself, that thought made her smile bigger.  
"I'm sure Clarke is awful at mini golf too, but she'd kick my ass if I tried to let her win."

"So have we thought anymore about the chemo treatments we discussed last time, Ms. Woods?"

"It's been six days since I've smoked a cigarette.proud of me yet?" Lexa puffed her chest out and waggled her eyebrows at the blonde, who just shook her head and looked towards Doris

"Mrs. Woods?"

"Oh, yes Dr. Griffin, she's telling the truth. Six days." The older Woods woman couldn't resist playing devils advocate to her daughter, especially since this situation was much easier to face.

"Fine fine. Yes I'm very proud of you, Lexa. Would you like a sticker or a lolly or something?" Clarke had learned early on it was much easier to go along with the brunette than try to argue with her.

"My word, dr griffin, is that slang for s-e-x??" Lexa feigned to be offended, gasping and bringing her hand to her chest

"Lexa."

"Clarke."

"Can we please get back to discussing your chemo now?"

"Not before my lolly, no grape or coconut, please!"

 

"Can you tell me on a scale of 1-10, ten being the worst, how are you feeling today?"

"Whatever number 'like ass' is"

"Lexa!"

"What?! She asked!"

Days like this were becoming more frequent. The chemo that Lexa was going through was still considered experimental and not enough was known about the side effects. Constant nausea and insomnia were on the top of the list at the moment and it was making Lexa, and everyone around her, miserable.

"I'm sorry Dr.Griffin, I just don't know what to do anymore. She just has these outbursts all the time." Doris put her head in her hands, clearly overwhelmed with trying to care for her daughter.

"It's okay Mrs.Woods, why don't you go and get yourself a warm drink from the cafe and give me a minute with her, alright?"

Clarke rubbed reassuring circles on Doris' back as she walked her to the door. The older woman kept mumbling her thanks before exiting the room and leaving the two girls alone.

"Alright. Cut the shit, what's going on, Lexa?"

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

Lexa looked down at her feet. She felt small sitting on the examination table under Clarke's gaze, this wasn't how she planned this conversation happening.

"Don't play dumb, nurse Harper told me about how you and Dr. Collins went on a date. "

Clarke scoffed, unsure of how and why this was her life  
"Really? That's why you've been being such a brat lately? Because I had dinner with Finn?"

Lexa visibly recoiled into herself at the use of his first name, but she quickly recovered, deciding what she had to say was more important.  
"Yeah, really. Because the only reason I'm going through this bullshit treatment is for more time, more time with you. I wake up feeling like garbage and go to sleep feeling worse In hopes that by some crazy, lightning strikin, lotto winnin, chance this cancer goes away that I can take you out and have a conversation with you as Lexa, the girl who fell for you instead of Lexa, the girl who has cancer. And all these months you just let me make a fool out of myself and get my hopes up that maybe, one day, but in reality you go out with Collins? After we already determined what type of guy he was? Whatever, that's cool. Hopefully I won't be dead before he cheats on you so I get to say I told you so to your face." Lexa was so worked up that she felt her chest begin to tighten. She crossed her arms and set her jaw in an attempt to calm down.

Clarke was pacing the room, the same way she did any time she was fired up about something. She was like a wind up toy car getting ready for take off. She tried to take deep breaths to calm herself down, but all they did was make her slightly lightheaded. She eventually stopped in front of the brunette, to make sure she had her full attention.  
"Do you want to know what we talked about at dinner, hmm? You! I went to dinner with him because he just had a patient cleared from stage four lukemia with this new treatment. So I wanted to ask him about the side effects and what the risks were and if he thought it could help you because oh yeah, I'm always thinking about you and I'm terrified of losing you, okay? I'm terrified of this thing winning before I have the courage to see what this is between us. But you just go ahead and have your temper tantrum, alright?" Clarke stormed out of the room and slammed the door before Lexa even had time to fully process everything that just happened.

 

"Hello Ms. Woods, my name is Dr. Monty Greene and -"

"-where's Clarke?" It had been a week since their fight, a week since Lexa had seen the Dr, she had been mentally preparing herself for this moment.

"I'm sorry, Dr Griffin couldn't be here today, she asked me to fill in for her." Monty gave a small, sad smile. He clearly knew more than he was going to say.

Doris looked between her daughter and the young man, there was something going on that she didn't know about.  
"Is Dr.Griffin okay? Why would she just hand her patient off? She's worked with my daughter very closely, I don't understand."

Lexa made eye contact with Monty, doing her best to communicate that above all, making sure her mother was comfortable was the most important factor in all of this. She took the Dr.s nod as a sign that he understood.  
"Mom, it's fine. She probably just went out last night and drank too much, I think it was Raven's birthday or something. Right, Dr. Greene?"

"Oh, uhm yeah, Clarke is a total lightweight when it comes to drinking. Like a puppy could out drink her probably. Even a large mouse maybe." Monty was visibly nervous, not one to do well under pressure.

"Anywayyyy, I'm sure we're in good hands here. Plus it's only for one session. Everything will be back to normal next week."  
Lexa smiled at her mother, trying to ease her nerves but also trying to convince herself.

Lexa was in the bathroom changing into vomit free clothes when Clarke walked in.

"Sorry, didn't know someone was in here" the blonde said and then turned around to make a quick exit.

Lexa reached for an arm or hand or anything that could stop the Doctor from leaving  
"Clarke, please. Just give me 30 seconds. " it had now been three weeks, three weeks of no banter, of no blue eyes to light up the room, three weeks of Dr Greene and his nervous rambling.

Clarke turned around but could not meet green eyes, in fear all resolve she had up to this point would crumble.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For how I acted. It wasn't right of me to assume things about you and it also wasn't my place to even have a say in who you go on dates with, you're your own person, you don't belong to me. I just...I really like you. Like more than any girl I've ever been with. And I don't want you to remember me as just another one of your patients, because you're more than any doctor. But you're still my doctor and a damn good one, I mean you've kept me alive this long right? So is there any way we can put this aside and you can just go back to treating me?" Lexa rubbed at the back of her neck, eyes bouncing around the room, attempting to land on anything except the blonde in front of her.

"No, Lexa. I'm sorry, I can't go back to being your doctor. I've already transferred all your files to Dr. Greene."

"Oh. okay."

"I can't go back to being your doctor because I'm always going to be biased, I'm always going to want the treatment that will give me more time with you instead of what might be best for you. I can't go back to being your doctor because then I couldn't do this."

Lexa was convinced she was dead and in heaven and instead of pearly gates and fluffy clouds it was Clarke's lips on hers and Clarke's hands on her face. Clarke Clarke Clarke. That's all her mind could process. All of her senses were flooded with a singular subject.

"Clarke." Lexa tried to steady her breathing as she rested her forehead against the blonde's

"Lexa." The smugness was not going to be easily wiped from the doctors face, proud of herself and the affect she had on the brunette.

"How are you at mini golf?"

\---


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh my god, how are you two this functional this early in the morning?"  
Octavia plopped down on the free stool at the breakfast bar and sat across from her best friend and her best friend's girlfriend; both who looked fresh faced and ready to conquer the day. 

"I don't know, O, maybe because we didn't try to out drink Anya in whiskey shots?" Clarke quipped, Lexa just hummed in agreement, too busy reading the newspaper (Ha!Nerd! Octavia thought)

"I'm sorry, Octavia, I just still believe whiskey is meant to be sipped from a glass not lined up in shots. There's pancakes if you'd like though."

Octavia didn't bother to respond, instead standing and making a bee line for the stove

"Peanut Butter & BLANK. Originated in New England. Ten letters?"

Clarke stopped reading Garfield to take a moment to really think. She had grown to secretly love when Lexa asked her for her with the Sunday crossword. When they first started dating, Clarke was extremely intimidated by her award winning Author of a girlfriend. More books sat in Lexa's backseat at any given time than Clarke had read her entire life. Dates to watch foreign films that Clarke didn't understand and when they were with Lexa's friends, most of the time they talked about things she never heard of, often times feeling like the butt of the joke. 

Clarke never thought she was stupid; she had done well in university and she followed 'some' current events. She just excelled at different things than her girlfriend did. She was a well known figure in the west coast art scene whereas Lexa couldn't even draw a stick figure, she was quick on her feet and had much better street smarts than her partner and often times had to explain how certain social media sites worked 

'Lexa I think even my gram has more followers than you do'  
'Snapchat is...Snapchat. You just take the picture and send it!'  
'But what are all these filter things people keep talking about? The other day Raven sent me a picture and she looked like an alien. How do I do that?'

It didn't make her a BAD person because she chose to follow pop culture instead of cultural crisis in Russia, right?

Lexa never made her feel inadequate but that didn't stop Clarke and it made perfect fuel to fire some of their arguments. 

So yeah, Clarke liked it when she felt needed from her girlfriend. Big Deal. 

"Uhm, Bananas?"

Lexa began writing before Octavia could laugh at how that was NOT ten letters and come on Clarke Marshmallow. 

"What would I do without you babe?"

Clarke beamed before giving the brunette a kiss on the cheek, happy to be of service. 

This went on as Octavia ate her breakfast. Lexa would ask a question, Clarke would take several seconds to seriously consider her answer and Lexa would write it down no matter how wrong it was. 

Octavia stood to put her plate in the sink when she saw the paper in Lexa's hands. 

The crossword puzzle was filled with scribbles and notes and added boxes. Lexa made room for whatever answer Clarke gave her. 

There was commentary along the border "Clarke you're ridiculous and I love you' "Clarke, we saw RENT TOGETHER how did you not remember?" "I like when you try to spell platypus it's adorable." 

Octavia raised an eyebrow at the brunette across from her, only to receive a shake of the head and flushed cheeks back. 

"So you two are totally gross in the mornings. Are you two usually this gross and boring?"

Clarke stuck her tongue out at her emotionally stunted friend.   
"We always do the crossword on Sundays. Lexa said I have a natural talent for it. Guess my years of random knowledge finally paid off!"

Lexa leaned over and kissed Clarke's temple, hmming in agreement.   
"Check out the fridge Octavia. Clarke had received many certificates on being the first one to submit a correct and completed puzzle."

Octavia say straighter on her stool, ready to challenge Lexa on this lie. Where did she get off making a joke of her best friend? What did Lexa do with Clarke's answers, save them to show to her smart Harvard friends? So they could laugh over tea and biscuits?!

This was Lexa after all. Lexa who never really spoke her love for Clarke. Octavia had spent many a night on the phone with her best friend while she vented about how Lexa never did grand romantic gestures like Lincoln did. How the blonde always worried that she was in deeper than her girlfriend and was afraid she would scare the girl off for being too intense. 

"Yeah, O. Your girl is smart! Don't be a hater!" Clarke beamed

The Blake noted how Lexa just looked on, a small smile on her face while she looked at the blonde. Giving a severe case of heart eyes. 

Okay so maybe Lexa wasn't 'Lex Luthor' maybe Lexa did the crossword with Clarke because she...wanted to help the blonde's self esteem? The normally impatient girl seemed to give Clarke all the time in the world when it came to this task. The usually reserved and stoic girl had shown a wider emotional range writing the word Massachusetts as Clarke struggled to spell it out than Octavia had ever seen from the girl before. Was this Lexa's weird nerd way of showing her love for Clarke? 

At its core, Octavia reasoned it consisted of sacrificing one's own ego to satisfy someone else. It was purely selfless, from a place of love, and done in a way that wasn't asking for anything in return. Hell, no one else even knew it was happening. As far as romantic gestures go, this not only met all the requirements and then some, but add the fact that it happened every week...just because? Fuck. Octavia would never understand lesbians.


End file.
